1. 11:34 5th Jul 2010

    Notes: 18

    Part 2 or why living in NYC as a partially privileged black woman makes you very very bitter at 25

    Part of this general emotion dump is that my real meat space skin to skin life is pushing in on  me hard through my loved ones.

     Some are underemployed and so disrespected on a daily  basis just to earn money it makes me violent.

    Some are unemployed and suicidal.

    Some are battling the system

    All of these friends are Black/Latino

    Not to say ALL of my Black Latino friends are struggling , but the ones trully going through it  are

    in NYC

    the land of the 25 dollar burger

    the 100 manicure

    and the booming hedgefund market.

    One cries to me brokenhearted ,

    because she did the right thing, college, chastity, career focus and now shes been unemployed for so long

    that she’s entering a phase where people consider her unemployable.

    I think that’s why I respond right now with nothing short of rage and glee everytime I read that people resent NYC and it’s liberal elite

    Glee because you know what I resent em too. I resent the fuck out of people who live in a city with some of the poorest folks in America, and don’t care to know it. i resent people who straight facedly moan about poverty and teh difficulty of startingout and the ” meanness” they get in neighborhoods that they only live in for ten months before half the block is cleared out .

    I resent they are so stupid and vapid as to say they earn shit by simply accomplishing teh most basic of tasks

    I hate the ever living days out of the idea that they can have security safety free time and spending money and still be as fucking unhappy

    to get book deals and praise for being ungrateful malcontents who brunch

    and then be so privilege blind as to say the fact that people aren’t interested in the ” art” or ” music” they produce that only talks about their parasitic circles and desperate hangers on is ignorance of everyone else

    My sisters scramble to make ends meet and a lot of it and fuck it I hate saying it is about making this kind of person uncomfortable.

    Now it will never be racism oh no

    Because white people like this are never ” racist”

    It will be the propensity of a white patron of a service industry position to call and complain about a brown server than a white one

    It’s the fact that a cute white girl “looks” better in the office than a black one even though her position requires knowledge that teh cute one doesn’t have , but the black girl woefully misused in her current position

    She can train her.

    It’s the deep discussions that lead to internships and handshake deals over college exploits that the Latina girl doesn’t have because she was pulling a double while studying cause she needs to help pay rent.

    It’s every flagwaving feminist whose mode of assertion seems to only happen when putting brown women in ” their place” even as she reads bell hooks

    It;s the foreign backers who hate when you say no because your brown , but want a tour of Harlem .

    It’s thriving but needing to drink or randomly commiserate with a service person everyday cause it’s never ending

    It’s trying to be young forever because you never have to be responsible you never have to build anything you never have to grow up and be aware of anybody else as long as you are perpetually young

    It’s  asking us to wait and wait and wait while the only thing you accomplish is making it harder for anyone to criticize you to get even a liver of what you have

    and then cry because you can’t fight the big boys

    It’s making sure your the prettiest girl at the party no matter what it means

    It’s thinking everyword out fo your mouth is gold as long as it’s less racist than the guy before.

    It’s the fainting and eyelash batting and helplessness that for you is recliaming femininity but if done by one of us

    Grossly unprofessional!

    It’s the backstabbing mendacious that is going for your career that never ever seems to be directed at men or women of higher class than you

    It’s being a New Yorker and complaining but never ever once noticing every native new yorker you know serves you.

    I think I hated the Traister article so much because at the end of it , never once did she really mention these books be good. Or touching or truly thought provoking.

    You live in NYC you see women like this ( of all races) everyday day, and I know I am being mean and judgemental, but it’s Sex and The City as a lifestyle even as you mock the women .

    You can have what you want you don’t have to think about it, and when in addition to having all that you also get a book deal ,

    and our sympathy

    mean while all of your having it all is based on an economy where everyone whose from here and not a millionaire is in a service economy or serious debt.

    and because they can’t write, can’t cuss you out without losing a job , can’t work for free, aren’t charming

    they get to watch the calcification of you being convinced you ” earned” this and well that warm feeling you get from writing a check is enough , or at least we’re better than the south

    and it’s freeing to lose your job

    all in 1000 cuts that don’t get talked about because really and truly institutionalized racism , only happens in institutions

    and all those deals and dramas that you make to friends and those status pieces are all really just happenings based on free spirited good times and what happens

     
    1. oldaw reblogged this from blackamazon
    2. hypotheticalthalamus reblogged this from isabelthespy
    3. isabelthespy reblogged this from blackamazon and added:
      i want to cosign like eight thousand times, but the whole thing, read it.
    4. blackamazon posted this