grrspit:

And in fact, I know a few people who aren’t even of that size or color or culture who have successfully defended themselves against men and have been labelled the aggressor.  But you know, they weren’t the “perfect” victims so it wasn’t right for them to fight back. 

See also, much of the rhetoric involving the Eminem/Rihanna video where the lower-class white couple illustrate a domestic abuse situation.

(Although, in my personal experience, and from being on the receiving end of many jokes about not wanting to cross me, even though in reality I’m quite non-confrontational so I don’t know where people are getting that from other than my appearance, being big and black and foul-mouthed gets you labelled as the aggressor more often.)

Successfully defending yourself from abuse isn’t being aggressive. It’s self-defense.